What ‘Jersey Shore’ Taught Me About God

Generally speaking, I don’t enjoy TV all that much.  I do have a few guilty pleasures…and Jersey Shore is one of them. Shameful, I know.  It is quite possibly one of the trashiest television shows I have ever seen. But the funny thing is, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about our deepest human desires. And, really, at the heart of our deepest desires is God.

Jersey Shore basically consists of a group of  stereotypically Italian, rowdy young adults who live in a house in Seaside Heights and party their lives away. Their daily lives, though, are just a comical caricature of how human desires manifest in all of our lives.

“GTL”:  The group devotes a lot of time to making themselves look good. Working out, tanning, perfectly spiked hair, fresh t-shirts, etc.  I think we all have a desire to beautify. The first assignment God delegated to humans was to steward the earth. We want to take care of things, make them look good, and make them flourish. The problem is, when we inverse that impulse, we end up spending an exorbitant amount of time and effort on ourselves. It’s not that we shouldn’t invest time into taking care of ourselves.  BUT, I believe God wants our energies focused toward loving Him and loving others (as evidenced by Matthew 22:36-40).

“DTF”: Night after night, the guys in particular are on the prowl to find women who are willing to have a one-night stand with them and then be on their way.  If you haven’t become desensitized to the whole thing, you probably find it quite disturbing.  But what is it that they are really looking for?  I mean, they are young men with high sex drives and no boundaries. They are looking for sexual pleasure. I won’t pretend it’s necessarily deeper than that.  But I wonder if the whole thing isn’t somehow related to self-worth. We want to know we are worth something. That we are valued. That we are a prize.  And in this case, walking into a nightclub and finding a girl that wants to go home with you is like saying “You’re a hot commodity. You are valued.”  The reality is nothing can satisfy that deep desire to feel valued like knowing that God gave up everything to hunt you down, rescue you, and spend eternity with you.

“Real vs. Fake”:  For this group, the biggest flaw you can have is “being fake”.  Being called fake is the king of insults!  We want integrity. We want authenticity. We want truthfulness. We want consistency. Who can meet those criteria?  Redeemed people. And even redeemed people can’t always meet those criteria. And then what?  Who can forgive the egregious sin of “fakeness”?  Redeemed people.  Only redeemed people can ever truly be themselves, and only redeemed people can forgive others who are not all they should be.

All in all, if you haven’t been watching Jersey Shore, I assure you that you are not missing much.  But if you are watching it, pay close attention to what it teaches us about the recklessness of the human condition, what it teaches us about our misdirected desires, and what it teaches us about what we all really want deep down inside.  Sure, the show is ridiculous…but do you see yourself anywhere in it? Are you chasing thrills? Is your life shallow, empty, and self-focused?  Maybe not. Maybe you watch it with indignation and disdain.  Then do you have the kind of redeemed eyes that see the brokenness beneath it all and has compassion?  That forgives people for not being all they should be?

Who is Kody Brown?

His show has been trending on Twitter.
He appeared on The Today Show.
He is the subject of much debate.

Kody Brown is a polygamist with four wives and a popular reality show on TLC called Sister Wives.

I have seen two episodes of the show and I could barely stomach it.  I confess I have not made any effort to research and understand the tenets of the Mormon faith regarding this polygamy thing, but that aside…it still doesn’t make sense to me.

My (very) traditional views on marriage aside, I have a few questions about Kody Brown and his domestic arrangement…

Who benefits from a polygamist marriage?
It seems to me that Kody is the only one benefitting. He is satisfying many men’s secret desire for multiple sex partners. He has multiple women to help run his household and raise the kids. He is the sole object of affection from four different women.  And what do the women get in return?  Divided attention, divided affection, jealousy, public criticism, and the added responsibility of someone else’s children. I guess it’s possible that the children may benefit but probably not more than they would in a traditional marriage arrangement. And I can’t see how it’s healthy to grow up with multiple moms who harbor resentment towards each other beneath the “happy family” veneer.

What does polygamy communicate about how Kody views women and children?
I don’t pretend to know what’s in his mind or his doctrinal beliefs. I do know that he failed to give an intelligent answer as to “why polygamy” when interviewed on The Today Show.  But at face value, the message is that:
1) Marriage is easy.
2) One woman is not enough.
3) Devotion to one person is no better than devotion to many.
Well…
1) Every married person I’ve talked to says marriage is hard.
2) Many men can barely keep one woman happy. I’m not convinced Kody is a superman who is somehow able to keep four women happy. And even if he could, I think it devalues what one woman brings to the relationship. “You are not sufficient” is an assault one a woman’s self-worth.
3) Devotion to more than one person inevitably divides your self. What is the long term effect of diving your self like that and of encouraging multiple women to be satisfied with a piece of a man?

I will admit, Kody Brown is quite charismatic. And except for the polygamy, his family seems fairly normal.  And their goal is to show people how normal their lives are in an effort to increase understanding and decrease the stigma of polygamy. Should society accept it?  I don’t know.  But I don’t think we have yet asked the right questions and received candid answers about how this kind of arrangement impacts the women and children involved.

The Ted Haggard and Oprah Winfrey Showdown

Oh brother!  This is super painful to watch.

So Oprah is interviewing Ted Haggard and his family even as I’m typing this.  Oprah has asked him a lot of questions about his affairs with gay men, etc, etc.  Two things are clear to me from this interview: 1) Oprah doesn’t really understand transformation in a Christian context and 2) Ted Haggard has a powerful testimony.  But it was painful to watch them try to understand each other.  So much bypassing!  I’m not sure they ever made it onto the same page.

It’s possible that this show is going to ignite many conversations–public and private–about sexuality, Christianity, transformation, etc.  We have so much to learn from each other.  At this point in my life, I have learned that sexual orientation is complex.  Judging and pretending to understand yields so little fruit. In no area of my life has transformation happened rapidly, and I am crazy for expecting it to be any different in the lives of others.  And what about the some people that don’t/won’t/can’t change? Well, I won’t try to do God’s job, so that’s between God and those people.

 I think Ted Haggard’s story is heartbreaking but really interesting. I’m glad that we has bold enough to go on Oprah and talk so openly both about his shortcomings (perhaps an understatement?) and about the grace of God that saves, heals, reconciles, and restores.  Oprah didn’t get it.  I have a friend that often says “You’ll get that in a minute.”  I hope Oprah gets that in a minute.  I hope Christians continue to learn how to show grace when people–famous, infamous, and ordinary–fail us.  I hope we learn how to be honest about issues that make us uncomfortable, stuff we don’t understand, stuff that is real, complex, and messy.  God’s grace is never too far away.

Honoring The Real Good Guys

So I’m watching this show on MTV (yes, shame on me) called “T.I.’s Road to Redemption”.  Basically, the premise of the show is that this rapper (T.I.) who got in trouble with the law sets out on a personal mission to change the lives of young people who are on the wrong path and bound to face his same consequences or worse.  And somehow this makes T.I. a hero?  I mean, I guess I’m glad he’s doing what he’s doing.  And I sincerely hope that the young people on his show are deeply impacted and change for the better.

But what about all the men who never get in trouble with the law and who are daily impacting people’s lives?  What about the guys that never join a gang?  What about the guys that raise their kids and stay out the streets?  What about the guys that don’t wait til they screw up themselves before they start helping people?  When do they get a TV show?   When do they become stars?