The Spiritual Discipline of “Enoughing”

I doubt I’ll ever make a lot of money.

And I’m okay with that. It’s never been a goal of mine.

But I do wish I was making more money than I am right now!

God has been faithful though. I can testify to that!  I’ve been unemployed since December but my bank account has stayed relatively the same.  Thanks to some contract work and the faithful provision of God, I am no worse off than I was 6 months ago. I can’t explain my thankfulness.

Of course, I don’t get to go on shopping sprees and buy every little cool thing that I think I must have.  And you know what?  It’s okay.  It really is.  I have more than enough. Every day, I have more than enough, and it’s a miracle.

It is the spiritual discipline of “enoughing”.  Trusting God for enough. Being content with enough. Embracing simplicity…realizing, of course, that my simplicity is many people’s luxury.

I’m a Liar

I’ve been lying to God. Straight to His unseen face.

I’ve been telling Him I trust Him. But I don’t. And today He proved me a liar. Tenderly.

“Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!” (Psalm 66:20, NIV)

I read this verse this morning, and it snapped me in half. So I put cream and sugar and tears in my coffee and told the truth.

I have trusted Him to meet my needs but not my dreams. I DO feel like my prayers have been rejected. I DO feel like love has been withheld. These days I’m afraid to trust God with the deepest desires of my heart, ’cause I don’t know how much more disappointment I can take.

I didn’t tell God anything He didn’t already know…but at least I told the truth.

Distraction

God can be so distracting.

I was sitting in church last night at the women’s meeting, trying to focus on worshiping. But a million thoughts were racing through my mind. I felt blocked.

And then the Holy Spirit spoke to me: Dana, do you love me enough?  Do you trust me enough to come to me for the things you’ve been going to other people for?

And before the Holy Spirit could even get to the question mark, I knew the answer was no. Those million racing thoughts were not a distraction at all. It was a slideshow of all the people and things I’ve been turning to instead of God. When will I get serious about victory?

I am nervous about what God will do next. In my heart, I mean.  There are no fig leaves big enough to cover that part of my heart I’ve been trying to hide for so long.

On NOT Getting What You Prayed For

So…

I was thinking about things I’ve prayed for. Not prayed like “Oh God, maybe if you have time, could you consider…”.  Prayed like “Dear God! I can’t do it anymore. I desperately need you to act!”  I have yet to see God act in certain situations.  I have yet to receive some things I’ve asked for…persistently.

So I got to thinking. What would it be like if God gave me everything I asked for?

I think my faith would increase. I would KNOW that He hears me. I would KNOW that He was responsive.  I would come to God with such great expectation.  But you know what it wouldn’t do?  It wouldn’t increase my TRUST in Him. The truth is, I ask for things that may not be best for me.  The truth is, God’s stillness sometimes IS His movement.

I couldn’t trust a God who gave me everything I prayed for, because that would mean trusting a God that would help me ruin my life.