What Do I Owe God?

My theology gets tangled up.

Growing up, I was taught that God graciously saved me, so I owe Him a life of obedience in response.  I’ve been reading Jay Bakker’s book Fall to Grace.  I think his approach is different: God graciously saves…and there’s nothing we can do to pay him back. But if we will accept that we are accepted, then God’s grace transforms us into people who live in a way that reflects the character of God.

I can’t get my mind around a grace that wants nothing from me.

I know that salvation is free. Salvation must be free. I can never be good enough or do enough good works to earn God’s salvation.  But what about after salvation?  Then what?  Is it like probationary admission to college?  You know, they admit you into the college even though your GPA is not up to par or whatever, but then you are expected to perform at a certain level…is that what this is like?  You “get in” for free but then you must make the grade.

I get all religious and knotty when I think about a radical grace.  I’m bewildered by it. And afraid of it.  I don’t know how it works.  I desperately want to comprehend and apprehend this grace in a way I never have before. What would my life look like if I lived as though Jesus had indeed paid it all?

A Good Reminder

Really great article by Tullian Tchividjian about grace, holiness, and accountability groups.

Reminders are More Effective than Rebukes

Here’s a snippet:

The real reason, however, that I hate the kind of “accountability groups” described above is because the primary (almost exclusive, in my experience) focus is always on our sin, not on our Savior. Because of this, these groups breed self-righteousness, guilt, and the almost irresistible temptation to pretend–to be less than honest. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in “accountability groups” where there has been little to no attention given to the gospel whatsoever. There’s no reminder of what Christ has done for our sin–”cleansing us from its guilt and power”–and the resources that are already ours by virtue of our union with him.  These groups produce a “do more, try harder” moralism that robs us of the joy and freedom Jesus paid dearly to secure for us. They start with the narcissistic presupposition that Christianity is all about cleaning up and getting better–it’s all about personal improvement.

But it’s not!

 

 

 

 

 

Learning Grace in Lamentations

If your Bible pages are really thin, you probably often miss Lamentations when you’re flipping through.

The entire book takes up a whopping 6 pages in my Bible.

I read the entire book today, and I learned about grace.  How can a book full of depressing poems teach me about grace?  Because it shows me what I deserve.  Jerusalem has been totally devastated all because they sinned.  And if not for the grace of God that has come through Jesus, this would be my fate too.  I am so thankful that God deals with me according to the terms of a new and better covenant.

Amazingly though, even in Lamentations, there is a glimpse of God’s gracious heart.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness…For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, 31-32, NIV)

Spilled Water

Today I told God that I feel far away. That the messes I’ve made have gotten in the way.  And I pleaded with Him to pay attention to me and speak.

The Spirit compelled me to read 2 Samuel 14.

It is a riveting tale that reads like a scene from a plot-twisting movie.  And then came this verse:

“Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die.  But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him.” (2 Samuel 14:14, NIV)

What a delight to encounter this verse, revealing the gracious ways of God in the midst of this gut-wrenching, chaotic story of sin and tragedy.  I do indeed feel exiled like Absalom. Like my sins have pushed me away from my God, out of His presence the way Absalom’s murder of his brother banished him from the royal courts.  That is not what God wants, though.  He graciously conspires for my return.

Witnessing to a Christian: Is Your Gospel Good News?

Last night I had a surprising conversation with my best friend.  She is a Christian, as far as I can tell.  And yet she expressed to me that she is uncertain about eternity. She thinks it’s hard to go to Heaven.  She’s never sure if she’s been a good enough person.  The uncontrollable, inevitable passing of time makes her anxious, because this life is ending.

It all made me sad.

And then it made me wonder.  How many Christians know the Bible but don’t know the Gospel?   How many Christians have heard a message that is only fairly Good News?  How many Christians have sung a hymn about a grace they don’t really believe is all that amazing?

And my heart ached. And so I told her…
“The truth is, you’re not  a good person.  And even on your best day, it would not be good enough.  But the blood of Jesus covers all of that.  God is not keeping score anymore.  When you unite with Christ, God sees Christ’s righteousness when He looks at you.  It is so simple that we can’t stand it!  It is free. It is ridiculous. It is sufficient. You can be free from worrying about it.  Yeah, when you sin, it disrupts the harmony you have with God.  But it does not ruin your eternal standing with Him.  If so, the Good News would not be that good…”

Then we went on to talk about Heaven, and I told her…
“I absolutely would prefer Heaven over THIS.  And I think Christians who cling to this life do not yet have a robust enough understanding of Heaven.  I think lots of people think Heaven is this place in the sky where we will all go and sit on clouds and sing church songs to God forever!  If that’s what it is, I don’t think I want to go!  But God is going to re-do it all. New heavens, new earth. I think it will be a huge party with lots of food and music and dancing and rest and people working on things they love. The earth will be beautiful. There won’t be poisonous snake bites or natural disasters or poverty or sickness. And there will be wine.  You know Jesus loves wine!  I think it will be a good time, and I’d rather be there than here!”

She was quiet for a while and then said, “Man, when I have kids, will you explain Heaven to them like this?!”

“Sure.”

Security

(I do not own this image.)

Today I visited a new church.  I’ve done this so many times that it doesn’t even feel awkward or exhausting anymore.  And I don’t even care anymore if people recognize me as a new person and make an effort to reach out to me. Whatever. I just want to find a good place to go to church (that isn’t way across town somewhere).

The co-pastor talked about eternal security today.  Whoa.

It was great. And I needed to hear it. Really needed to hear it.
I feel rearranged…in a good way.
I am realizing how amazing grace really is. Slowly but surely.

Eternity Leaking

What is this fearful obsession I have with not being holy enough?  Maybe spiritual residue from a youth spent in Pentecostal churches. Maybe an abominable self-centeredness that somehow thrusts my personal sanctification to the forefront of my spiritual concerns. It is paranoia parading as devotion.

“…because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” (Hebrews 10:14, NIV)
“For by a single offering He has forever completely cleansed and perfected those who are consecrated and made holy.” (Hebrews 10:14, AMP)

It’s all already done. Forever. Now I can relax, live joyfully, and trust God to continually sanctify me. But the problem is I can’t.

Maybe I am just NOW beginning to grasp  this grace. It is totally outrageous to me that there is nothing left to do. That I don’t have to anticipate punishment (or punish myself).  God has this ongoing project of making everything right. And, for me, that means He is letting the eternal reality of perfection leak into this present moment to make me holy.  Does that mean I am absolved of all responsibility?  I prefer to think of it as free from all spiritual anxiety.

Small Praise

When the favor of God rests on you, you accomplish things you could never do on your own. Doors open. Blessings come. Life exceeds your expectations. There is nothing so humbling as seeing God work in your life to do even the simplest things that are beyond your natural ability.  I thank God today for His favor and His grace. Not to me, but unto You be the glory!

Why I’m Still Single

The other day someone asked my friend why she’s single. She’s younger than I am and has had more serious relationships (and has good explanations for why she’s single).  So, not only was I alarmed that someone would ask her that, but I was pained by what the question implied about my own life.

So why am I still single?

1. Abstinence.  I made a decision to not have sex until I got married (which also means I won’t do a lot of things that would throw me into temptation). Now I am in my mid twenties, still sticking to that conviction. The plain and simple truth is that no one I’ve met has been willing to wait on me. I don’t have sex. They don’t stick around. It is that simple, and it is THE biggest problem I’ve run into in dating.

2. Intellect. If I may toot my own horn for a minute…I’m a pretty intelligent lady.  God has graciously gifted me with some measure of mental prowess. And while I have little interest in or inclination to go around flexing my intellectual muscles, like any gift, if you are around someone long enough, you will perceive it.  Men have been intimidated or frustrated by my intellect. So they tap out.

3. Race. I’m Black. Black women are not generally viewed as the most beautiful or desirable in our society. It’s just a simple fact of living in this society, and I’ve accepted it. No one’s chasing us. And, because media and culture have hypersexualized images of black women, when we are pursued, it is often only as objects of sexual fantasy. Media and culture have also presented black women as difficult and having bad attitudes, etc.   That is a really unattractive stereotype that is difficult to break.

4. Circumstance.  So many things are beyond my control. I’ve relocated often. I pursued graduate-level education which is demanding, time-consuming, and isolating. I live in a college town, where most men are younger than I am (not necessarily a problem) and many have been students in my class!  I’ve attended churches with virtually no available men.  The circumstances of my life have just not always been conducive to relationships.

I’m certain I could continue with this list, naming both personal issues and issues beyond me.  But I think those four have a great deal of explanatory power concerning my singleness.  Yesterday, I was feeling kind of regretful about how guarded I have been when dating someone.  Then I happened upon an old Mark Driscoll sermon in my iTunes podcasts that I had not listened to. The sermon was entitled “I Was a Wall” from the Peasant Princess series and based on Chapter 8 from Song of Songs. And it spoke directly to my heart.  I was deeply encouraged by his message that I have made right and wise decisions in not allowing ungodly and undeserving men undue access to me and my life.  I have been a wall.  People have mocked, criticized, and insulted me because of this, and it’s been painful.

But…

I’m encouraged and strengthened today. I’ve made decisions that have meant sacrificing companionship. And so I experience all the joys and sorrows of “still” being single. But I’m doing my best to live a life pleasing to God, and I’m not ready to give up on that, no matter what it cost me in relationships.

Score One More!

Once again, God has come through!  He has shown himself SO faithful in the areas of school and work in my life.  Grace and favor are abounding, and I’m humbled and grateful.  I don’t deserve the job I have or the blessings that come with it.  But God is a gracious, generous, trustworthy God.  My heart is encouraged by this further evidence of His character.

Oh that I would perceive His workings in ALL areas of my life!