Unusual Signs of Spiritual Growth

There is no way to measure spiritual growth.

That is pretty damn frustrating.  But just because it can’t be measured doesn’t mean it can’t be recognized.  I started thinking about spiritual growth a few weeks ago, centered around the question, “How do I know if I’m growing?” Through meditating on that question, I realized that the question was coming from a place of fear. In other words, what I was really saying was, “I’m afraid that I’m not growing!”  I felt like the circumstances of my life were mounting evidence that I was, in fact, not growing.

And then it occurred to me…maybe I am missing the signs. So, here are some unusual signs of spiritual growth that I think I’ve witnessed in my life.

1. Unanswered Prayers
   In the early years of my Christian journey, God increased my faith by answering all of my prayers. I learned to trust Him by seeing Him work. But now God is increasing my faith by not answering my prayers. I learn to trust Him in the midst of things going awry or life being flipped on its head or not getting what I desperately want.  I learn to trust Him even when there’s no obvious benefit to me.
2. Silence
   I have often thought that God’s silence means He is upset with me or ignoring me. And then I think about Job. He was blameless and upright and feared God.  Yet, chapter after chapter, God is silent as Job suffers one calamity after another.  Why was Job tested?  Because God trusted that Job would keep his faith in Him.  So maybe God’s silence is a sign that I have grown to the point of God being able to trust that I will trust Him, no matter what.
3. Dissatisfaction with Church
   I have been troubled by my dissatisfaction with church lately, wondering if it was indicative of some spiritual faltering.  Who did Jesus take issue with the most?  Religious people!  Why? Because Jesus loves the Church and wants them to be free from religiosity and every other pseudo-spiritual distraction.  So maybe this dissatisfaction means I can now think for myself, feed myself, and understand for myself. I have grown to recognize the glories and the flaws of the church. And the only reason I’m dissatisfied is because the church in fact matters to me!

So, there are just three unusual signs of spiritual growth.  I think the overarching idea is ‘absence’.  There is a profound spiritual growth that can happen when God feels absent, when blessing feels absent, when community feels absent, when everything that you have relied on before feels absent.  Reframing these circumstances has been liberating for me because I stop beating myself up over the unanswered prayers, the silence, and the dissatisfaction. I just keep learning to trust God because He is trusting me to trust Him in the midst of everything that seems stagnant.

Something Well-Said

I am a sucker for something well-said. A dear friend of mine and seminarian is working on a project about brokenness. Here are some of her thoughts she shared:

In one of my classes we had to write a paper about who Jesus is. As I was reading the textbooks and my classmate’s papers, I noticed there is much talk of discipleship requiring us to take up our crosses and to take up this mantle of self-sacrificing servanthood. In reflecting on this most recently, it has occurred to me that this seems to presuppose a lack of suffering before taking up the cross. If the call to discipleship means taking this up, we must not have already been carrying it. However, Jesus does not say these things to the people out of whom he casts out demons or to the sick that he heals. He tells them to proclaim what God has done for them, or to go their way and sin no more, etc. He speaks it while teaching, he speaks it to the rich, he speaks it to those who ask about it, but the healing is a different matter. Is that because these people already carry crosses, have already been crucified by their infirmities? They have already been sacrificed on the altar of social and religious norms and paradigms, broken by the weight of these burdens. Is there a message in this for today? Should we consider that some are already so broken by life that preaching a call for discipleship like this is not good news, but infirmity upon infirmity? They need to be healed first, and discipleship can follow.
(E. Wied)

The Public and Private of Walking with God

Photo from fineartamerica.com

My friend was telling me the other day about how she needs to cultivate a prayer life and quiet times with God, etc.  I joked that if we could combine our lives, we’d be really spiritually fit.  We each lack what the other has.  I lack community, accountability, and Christian fellowship.

It’s true that our spiritual lives have two domains: the public and the private.  If you just have the public, your spiritual life can lack revelation, depth, and intimacy with God.  If you just have the private, your spiritual life can lack correction, challenge, and the comfort of the family of God.  I feel like I’m walking around in a raincoat but with no umbrella over me, no spiritual covering.  And she is walking around with an umbrella but no raincoat.  We’re both getting wet.

Holiness is Hard

Really, it is.