Upwrite

Pastor Dave started a new series this weekend.  I get the feeling this sermon series is going to rock some people.  Maybe myself included.  He said something today during his sermon–it was kind of an aside–that really struck me.  He said, “Establish a habit of hope.”  Out of everything he said, that short sentence seemed to catapault from the pulpit and land in my lap.  Here’s the thing.  I don’t hope by default (even as a Christian).  It’s a habit that I have to form.  I have to train myself by choosing to hope in the face of despairing circumstances.  For me, it is a call to higher ground.  There’s a fighter rising up in me that will mature into a champion who refuses to be defeated by what life and Satan throw my way.  And that deserves a “hallelujah!”

So here’s something I’ve been thinking about:  what role to artists have in the body of Christ?  In the local church?  Hmmm.

And today I felt my first pang of sadness about having to leave D’ville in several weeks.  I’ve met some really solid, tight people here.  I mean, I guess I meet cool people everywhere I go, and I hope there will be some more waiting for me in Texas.  But…I just marvel at the awesome people I have met and continue to meet.  Each one with a unique story, a special vision, and a beautiful soul.  And I know that I’ll never meet someone who is exactly like anyone I’ve already met, which is sad…and kind of glorious.

I have this friend in Chicago.  We’re really close.  We talk about love a lot these days.  The dissolution of her latest relationship has got her “jaded” (I’d say just more sober-minded).  And the progressive healing of my heart has got me less jaded than I used to be.  It seems we’re both moving toward the middle.  The other day we were chatting and she said of her relationships that she keeps finding ones that don’t “love her right.”  We talked about that.

But it just sort of got me thinking.  What would “love me right” mean for me?  I have no idea.  But I have resolved that a man that does not love Jesus with his whole being cannot love me right.  In times of loneliness or quarter-life crises, it is tempting to slacken those standards.  But I won’t.  I refuse.

Anyway, a dear friend lent me a book about the prophet Jeremiah.  I’ve already started reading it, and I’m jazzed about it.  So far, so good.

That’s all for today.

“Receive Christ”
“Accept Jesus”

Those are common phrases these days. I suspect they came into use as a way to express the free, faith-based nature of the gift of salvation and to move away from language that had any performance or merit connotations.  And that is good.  My problem is…we don’t really see that sort of language in the New Testament.  In fact, the language used pertaining to the Christian life seems overwhelmingly active:

“Repent”
“Believe”
“Follow”
“Take up”
“Work out”
“Examine”

To be fair, we also don’t see the phrase “Trinitarian God” in the Scriptures, but we, nevertheless, accept it as a doctrinal and spiritual fact.  But I can’t help but wonder how this passive language affects the way we live out our lives.  Do we view our spiritual life as something that is happening to us?   Do we lose our sense of agency, responsibility, and adventure?  Or do we view our spiritual lives as something that we do, walk, and live out? 

It’s kind of like… being in elementary school and you get a new kid in your class.  I mean, isn’t there a difference between accepting him and befriending him?  To accept him might mean that I don’t tease him and I don’t mind him sitting at my lunch table, etc.  But to befriend him would mean I look for him at recess and ask him to join our four-square game.  I share my lunch when he forgets his.  I introduce him to my other friends.

Maybe I’m hyper-aware of language right now, ’cause I’ve had my nose in Comm books today, but I just thought it was a curious thing.  What it would be like if we stopped viewing our encounters with God as something to receive and started viewing them as something to seize?  God have mercy.

It’s coming quickly.  My excitement and my nervousness are both steadily increasing in a linear fashion.  (I just really wanted to say “linear”.)  I’m trying to work out my housing situation.  Stress.  I really need God to work it out.  Work it on out! 

I’ve been imagining what my life will be like when I get there.  There’s a lot I don’t know yet.  I don’t know where I’ll be living.  I don’t knoow if I’ll have a roommate.  I don’t know my schedule for sure.  I don’t know hardly anything about San Marcos.  I don’t know.  I really want to get a bike when I get out there.  Gas is just too expensive these days.  I’m thinking a sweet, red bike with a bell and side mirrors.  Ha.  So, this is what I imagine my typical day being like:

7 am: Wake up, get ready, have breakfast (Maybe I’ll be able to eat bread by then!  But probably not.)

9 am - 12 ish: Classes

12 pm: Lunch (Let’s hope campus food is delicious.)

1 pm-3pm: Teaching

3:30 - 4:30:  Office hours

5pm:  Something fun! 

6:30 pm : Dinner

7:30 - 10:30 pm: Homework

11 pm: Bedtime!

Wow. I just realized how completely unrealistic that is.  I’ll probably be staying up until 2 a.m. writing papers and scrambling to grade assignments in between classes.  And I’ll probably eat breakfast while I’m riding my sweet red bike to class. Ha.  But as I think about the life that lies ahead, there are certain things that I want.  I want to be more organized!  I truly believe that organization is going to either make or break me in this upcoming phase of life.  I’ll be on my own and with more responsibilities than I think I’ve ever had in my life.  I’ll need to file and keep records and have a planner (that I use) and do all sorts of other stuff that I am not naturally inclined to do…at all…ever.  Also, I want to be intentional about observing a Sabbath rest.  I expect things to get busy and overwhelming rather quickly, and without rest, either my work will suffer or I will suffer.  I want to take one day out of the week where I am committed to resting, not working, and communing with God.  I believe that will be a great source of strength and mental and spiritual endurance. I want to exercise regularly.  Haha. I laughed as I typed it.  This one is probably the least likely to come to fruition, but it’s at least on the radar screen.  I want to get plugged into a church.  I’m hoping finding a church won’t be a daunting task once I get there.  I’m really itching for someplace different than the kind of churches I have attended for most of my life.  We’ll just see.  But connecting to a body of believers is important, so that I stay centered and grounded (and hopefully form a new “family” of sorts).  And lastly, I want to be open.  I tend to be a guarded and reserved person.  I don’t trust quickly or easily, and it takes a while to get to know me.  And while there truly are benefits to living life this way, there are also things I miss out on.  I want to go into this new experience with my heart and my arms open, to receive life and people and vitality, and to release all that I am (well, a lot of what I am) out to others.  This will be a huge paradigm shift and will require a great deal more maturity and wisdom than I have operated with thus far.  But it’s time.  There are deeper things, too, that I want.  I want to impact lives.  I want to be salt and light.  I want to grow up.  I want to find love (ehh maybe).  I want to see God do great things.  I want to prove to myself that I can handle adulthood.  I want excellence.  I want happiness.  All of that may come, or none of that may come.  But I know in the core of my being that God has opened these doors and carved out the path and that He will be with me every step of the way.  And I just want to honor Him in everything, come what may.

“…he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.” (Hebrews 9:15)

It seems this ransom is two-fold.  One, there is a price that must be paid.  Sin is not free.  Two, we must be reclaimed.  We are in bondage.  We are not free.  So then, not only does Christ pay what we owe because of our sin, namely death, but by that death Christ buys us back so that we may be alive and free.

We don’t like to think of ourselves as hostages, enslaved to death and sin.  It offends our American sensibilities of independence and freedom and bootstrappyness. Humbling.  Can I come to terms with this?  My transgressions are costly, and my soul is costly.  But God, in his divine and merciful plan, has seen fit to pay that price with Christ.  “No man can redeem the life of another or give to God a ransom for him–the ransom for a life is costly, no payment is ever enough–that he  should live on forever and not see decay” (Psalm 49:7-9).  And yet…hmmm.

Yesterday, my dad discovered a beehive in our backyard!  We’re trying to decide what to do about it, and we should probably decide before my mom gets back to town, because she freaks out about stuff like that.

Church last night was really, really good.  It was the last part of the One Prayer series, and we had a video sermon by Craig Groeschel.  He really just fanned my “unity flame” even more.  Wow.  Isn’t it crazy that Jesus’ prayer that all believers would be one is a totally cutting edge idea right now?  Maybe not so much crazy as it is sad.  I have high hopes for unity though.  And the Holy Spirit really got a hold of my heart last night.  Those intimate moments with God…just…yeah.  My prayer last night was, “Conquer my heart.”  I don’t know where that came from, but, for the most part, those were the only words that would come out.  God knows.  And in due time, I suppose I will know the fullness of that prayer too.

Anyway, some interesting posts from my blogroll…

Messianic Rabbi Derek Leman talks about “The Jewish Gospel of Jesus”

And Sam on orthodoxy, flexibility and unity: “With Christianity, Less is More”

It just rained a little bit in D’ville.  Yay!  It wasn’t much though.  Probably something like spitting into a sandbox.  Oh well. 

That’s all.

“The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unlean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean.  How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!” (Hebrews 9:13-14)

Is this not our chief problem?  We are unclean.  And I can think of only two options for how to deal with this uncleanness.  We can carry on with all sorts of outside matters like the Pharisees (Matthew 23:25-28), which will not really  deal with our uncleanness.  Or we can be cleansed by the blood of Christ, which is a sure and thorough thing.  We are unclean.  But why must we be clean?  To dodge hell?  Well… I think that would be a rather one-dimensional perspective.  Why must we be clean?  So that we may serve the living God!  This is what we were made for.  This is what God desires of us.  This is what most satisfies the soul of our long lost self, which has been overthrown by sin’s coup d’etat.  And we dare not cheapen the precious sacrifice of Christ by preferring or trusting anything other than the blood of Jesus himself which cleanses us, nor by tucking away the Lamb of God as simple “fire insurance”.   He has cleansed our consciences so that we can serve the living God, the only thing that really matters.

I went to my first Braves game last night!!  Aaaand they got crushed by the Mariners.  *Sigh*  But it was a good time nonetheless. 

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about the issue of suffering.  I think we use that word a lot without really defining it.  So I’m thinking there are various types of suffering:

• Suffering that comes from making poor decisions and reaping the consequences thereof.
• Suffering inflicted upon us by others’ sin or poor decisions
• Suffering of a “cosmic” nature  (think Job)
• Suffering as a result of circumstances beyond our control (natural disaster, cycle of poverty, illness, etc.)

And as I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve been pondering a few questions:

1. Is it important to distinguish between the types of suffering?
2. How does the type of suffering affect how we respond to our own suffering and that of others?
3. How do we expect God to respond to the various types of suffering? 

Anyone have any thoughts?  I’d love to hear them.

I flipped through The Screwtape Letters (C.S. Lewis)  earlier today.  I just read the parts I had highlighted a few years ago when I first read the book (true “speed reading”).  I think I’ll read the entire book again though.  I also flipped through Lies Women Believe and that was good.  Sometimes I forget that the devil is busy.  He has an agenda.  He puts in work.  And I’ve realized that I need to improve my ability to recognize the devil’s schemes.  You know, the practical application of Scripture to life challenges is not always intuitive.   I’m thankful for those who dedicate much time and effort to writing books that help me walk in the light.

Speaking of books…*ahem*…I finally finished my poetry book!  I admit, I’m not 100% satisfied with it, but I never will be, so I just need to be done with it and move on.  It feels good to finish it though.   So, if you’re wondering, the book will be available for purchase online in about a week or so, and I’ll post that info here on the blog.  For now, check out the preview here.  I also plan to purchase a small stock of books so that those of you who are local can buy direct from me.  Cool stuff.

Let’s see…what’s next?  I am going to finish up my series of reflections on Hebrews 9 (probably four or five more posts).  I would like to write a post (or two) about suffering and hope in the very near future.  Outside of the blog…I’ll be starting on another creative, collaborative project.  And also, I will begin working my way through the textbook I will be teaching from this coming semester.  So basically, lots of reading and lots of writing, and I love every minute of it!

Lord God, thank you for watching over me.  Drown me in Your truth and light.  Be near.  Make room for Your glory in my life.  I love you and worship You alone!

Okay, so I didn’t really pray for the Celtics to win.  But I’m glad they did.  And it wasn’t just a win, it was a stompdown.  Ouch.  Not that I’m a Celtics fan or anything.  I’m just sick of the Lakers and Kobe and all that.  And really, when was the last time Boston won?  Hasn’t it been forever?  They have sucked for a long time, it seems.  I’m glad for them. 

Per my father’s request, I strategically placed moth balls on the porch tonight to keep the frogs away.  It’s not that we don’t like the frogs (or are they toads?).  We like them a lot.  But…they poop a lot…by our front door.  Not cool.

Soooooo I’ve concluded that God hears me.  I’ve been thinking about hope and whatnot, and not just abstractly (as I’m prone to do), but hope in my own life.  The nitty gritty stuff.  I flipped on Joyce Meyer today, and you know what she preached about?  Hope.  Ha.  Then tonight, at my small group meeting, my small group leader went on a tangent about hope while talking about the book of Isaiah.  And another person in my small group shared about a conversation he had with a friend who was troubled by some things.  Some of the very same things that have troubled me as of late.  Neither of these people in my small group know about anything that is going on with me.  So, I really think God was trying to get at me.  I’m thankful, but I’m stubborn.  If I’m honest, there is a part of me that would rather be right than be whole.  (Wow.  I kind of want to slap myself for that.)  I’d rather be right about life and the blows it deals out.  I’d rather be right about myself and my life.  And I am.  But I sense God telling me to throw out the window my whole way of seeing things and take a chance on a new perspective.  And this new perspective is going to require so much more faith and so much more hope than I think I’m capable of.