Upwrite

I decided to treat myself to a nice, sugary box of Mike and Ikes today.  So good, yet so bad. 

And now a moment of vulnerability: Lately I have been really wrestling with who I am as a person.  That didn’t come out right.  Grrr!  What am I trying to say?  I have been getting frustrated by the way I am.  Not the righteous indignation that compels maturity and change.  Just plain ol’ frustration with the way God made me and some of the traits He gave me.  I was driving home from church tonight, and this is what I heard, “Find me in you.”  Was God talking to me?  I don’t know.  Find me in you.  That sounds so…New Agey.  But…I don’t know.  We’ll see.

Anyway, a while back, I embarked on a little exploration of area churches.  I wrote about that here and a wee bit here.  And then the other day, I saw this article on Relevant Magazine’s website.  Seems this fellow embarked on a similar journey.  Interesting.

Blah blah blah.  I think I’ll give the blog a rest for a few days until I’ve got some fresh ideas (fresh to me, anyway ).  In the meantime, I invite anyone who might read this today to answer the following question:  What book other than the Bible (or other sacred text) has most profoundly affected you spiritually? 

I don’t mean “final” like I’ll never think about the Sermon on the Mount ever again.  Ha.  But I have finished up my meditations through the SotM.  I had more I wanted to write about, but I got distracted.  Story of my life.

Anyway…

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” (Matthew 7:24-25)

Jesus goes on to contrast this analogy with the one in which a man builds his house on sand by hearing but these words but not putting them into practice.  And this is how Jesus closes out his sermon.  The more I think about these closing words, the more I realize the active nature of being a disciple of Christ.  Just hearing the teachings alone is not enough, for both the wise and the foolish man had both heard the words.  It’s the “put them into practice” part that counts.  And here’s the other thing…either way you slice it, you’re going to build a house.  It’s just a matter of what it’s built on and whether it will stand. 

I think it gets easy for me to talk about who Jesus was and what he did for us, in terms of redemption.  But too often I forget what Jesus said and what he wants me to do as his disciple.  Going through the Sermon on the Mount has allowed me to re-acquaint myself with the Rabbi Jesus, the Teacher.  And for all the ways that his words have satisfied, they have also (paradoxically, I suppose) created a new hunger.  I feel like Jesus could have said so much more!  But he didn’t.  That guy…such a cliffhanger.

My mom and I (accidentally) went on a shopping spree today.  Going to Macy’s “One-Day Sale” somehow turned into going to every Macy’s in town and then some.  Wow.  Needless to say…I am too tired to write about this, but it’s been nipping at my heels lately, and I just need to turn around, crouch down, and address it!

So here’s the deal. I was reading an article on a Christian website just a bit ago.  The article was talking about imperfect mother-daughter relationships.  I couldn’t bear to get through the whole article, because it started saying how God has created each of our mother-daughter relationships, and God doesn’t make mistakes.  That’s all fine and good, but does anyone else see the glaring oversight in this explanation?  SIN!!  My (and anyone else’s) relationship with my mother is not imperfect because God has sovereignly decided to give us a screwy relationship.  It is imperfect because my mother and I are imperfect.  We make poor decisions, we do and say things we shouldn’t, and we don’t do and say things we should.  We screw up in ways that profoundly affect each other’s lives.  And just because a sin is forgiven doesn’t mean it won’t have consequences.  I think it’s totally unhelpful to pretend that what we do doesn’t matter and that the state of our relationships is wholly God’s idea.  Why do we “blame” God for everything?  It’s almost asinine. *Sigh*

I’m sure if I had finished reading the article, I would have found it edifying in some way or another (and it may have even addressed my grievance).  But, perhaps because I’m tired, I just didn’t have the patience for something that wasn’t making any sense to me.  Maybe some time when I’m feeling more charitable, I’ll give it a fair shot.  I might not though.  This is bigger than this article I just happened to read today.  It’s a whole mindset that assumes that whatever is, is so because of God.  And what about the abusive mother?  That was God’s idea?  I don’t buy that.  Whoa, okay, I’m typing sassily.  Time to stop.

I should just say one more thing though.  Last night I had the great privilege of guest speaking at our young adults’ gathering.  It was awesome to be able to speak the Word and deliver a message.  I was so humbled by the feedback.  And I give all praise and glory to God for the gifts and abilities He has given me and, most of all, for working through me for the benefit of others.

“For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD;
I sing for joy at the works of your hands.
How great are your works, O LORD,
how profound your thoughts!”
Psalm 92:4-5

And now a delectable quote from the indispensable Oswald Chambers:

A spiritually-minded person will never come to you with the demand–”Believe this and that”; a spiritually-minded person will demand that you align your life with the standards of Jesus.  We are not asked to believe the Bible, but to believe the One whom the Bible reveals…And if we ourselvs are free with the liberty of Christ, others will be brought into the same liberty–the liberty that comes from realizing the absolute control and authority of Jesus Christ.  Always measure your life solely by the standards of Jesus.  Submit yourself to His yoke, and His alone; and always be careful never to place a yoke on others that is not of Jesus Christ.  It takes God a long time to get us to stop thinking that unless everyone sees things exactly as we do, they must be wrong…”
My Utmost for His Highest (May 6)

It just occurred to me that I have no idea what Oswald looked like.  So here’s a picture.

I wonder how many giants of the faith we have never even heard of. 

We know about Moses, Gideon, King David, Nehemiah, Isaiah, Daniel, the Apostles, Paul…
Surely there were others that didn’t “make it” into the Bible. 

Then there were the Reformers and the Revivalists and so forth…
Surely there were others who slipped under the radar.

We don’t all get to be celebrities. There are probably tons of unknown people who have run the race and fought the good fight.  Heroic, anonymous faith. 

Glory to God.

Really?  Really, He’s not a “he”?  He’s not, but I forget that.  Calling God a “he” is an adjustment we’ve made according to the limits of language.  This isn’t some feminist theology type stuff (I know hardly anything about feminist theology).  God is a genderless and sexless spirit being.   At the same time, there are multiple instances of Jesus calling God “Father”, and God himself refers to himself as a “he”.  I believe in staying true to that revelation.

However…

The more I think about it, the more I realize how my “he” construction of God has negatively affected my understanding of God.  Wait, I think I messed that up.  It’s more like…my life experiences with human “he’s” have negatively affected my understanding of God.  I wonder if I subconsciously project onto God a Western, American masculinity.  Why would that be a problem?  Because I loathe the aggressive, dominant, objectifying, exploitative, Western-American construction of masculinity.  And when I assume that God is like the “he” of my earthly experience, I find that I want nothing to do with God.

It’s not that God doesn’t embody some typically masculine traits.  He is mighty. He is the essence of strength, provision, protection, and power. He is a king, a conqueror, and a defender.  But He is also patient, gentle, loving, nurturing, and emotional.  This is why it has become paramount for me to learn the character of God.  Because He is not he.

What is the difference between passion and obsession?

When does zeal turn into foolhardiness?

How do boundaries become bondages?

“The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.” (Ecclesiastes 7:18 )

Right.  As if my life is eventful enough to warrant updates. ;) 

Well, I went to see The Lion King tonight at the Atlanta Civic Center.  It was better than I expected.  In fact, it was wonderful!!  I was most impressed with the costumes, set design, and singing.  I enjoyed it quite a lot.  And I am always glad when I can patronize the arts in some way.  A Friday night well-spent.

In other news, I received one of my textbooks in the mail today!  It is one of about three that I’ll need to read over the next few months in preparation for my teaching assistantship.  So the work begins!  I’ve also been searching for an apartment via internet, which is sketchy and stressful, but I have no other option.  I truly am excited about this upcoming phase of my life.  I know that God has blessed me with these opportunities, and I want to honor that by doing my work, both as student and teacher, with as much excellence as I can.  And I know that that excellence begins now–months in advance, while no one is watching, when it doesn’t seem to count for much.  So, I’ve got a lot of reading and note-taking to do.  Lucky for me, I happen to enjoy that. 

I finally set some deadlines for my poetry book.  And I actually intend to stick to them, which hopefully means I’ll have some printed by the end of the month.  This will be a big accomplishment for me, not because the book will be great, but because I so rarely finish anything I start.

One more thing.  If anybody out there prays, add me to your list of things to talk to God about.  I’ve had some health complications lately.  I believe healing is on the way, so pray and believe with me!

 So, Ezekiel was kind of a nutjob, huh?  No disrespect to the prophet, of course. After all, it was the Lord who was instructing him to do all kinds of wacky things as part of his prophetic ministry.

Anyway, the other day I read through chapter 44 of Ezekiel in my devotional time. (Yeah, kind of random.) I’m always really struck by how seriously God takes the duties of the priests in the OT.  If you were a priest, you couldn’t just flim-flam around and be willy-nilly about the temple.  I mean, it was serious!  In chapter 44, God takes issue with the priests because of their negligence and carelessness.

“…Enough of your detestable practices, O house of Israel!” (v. 6)
“…you brought foreigners uncircumcised in heart and flesh into my sanctuary, descrating my temple…” (v. 7)
“Instead of carrying out your duty in regard to my holy things, you put others in charge of my sanctuary.” (v.8 )

They were not doing what they were supposed to do, and were doing things they were not supposed to do.  Consequently, God’s temple was being desecrated.  I think it’s easy for me gloss over all this business about the temple.  But when I call to mind all the OT laws established regarding the temple, I’m reminded of how important this was.  And then I fast-forward to 2 Corinthians 3:16: “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s spirit lives in you?”

And I sensed God asking me some questions.  Are you faithfully discharging your duties concerning your temple?  Do you take seriously the responsibility of keeping your temple undefiled?  What is profaning you?

I’m thankful for this gentle discipline.

It’s like trail mix in my mind.  I’ve got all these different thoughts and ideas all jumbled together.  And I can’t seem to get the trail mix into a bloggable format lately.  So, for the time being, I’d like to point out a few posts that have recently caught my attention:

Check out this fellow’s explanation of the parable of the marriage feast.

The always-interesting Messianic Jewish Rabbi Derek Leman talks about Pauline texts, flimsy theology, and anti-Judaic interpretations.  Whoa.

The following video was passed on to me by a friend some time ago.  Too good not to share.  If you dig spoken word, check it out.